The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
