i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
