dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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