I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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