you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
