My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
