I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
