Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
