we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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