This is not my ceiling
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
