Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
