update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
