i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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