I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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