I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
