i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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