i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
