Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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