Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
