Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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