Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
