You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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