i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
