I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sarcasm needs its own font
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
