If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
