he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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