what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
