Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
