He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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