the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
