I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
