Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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