Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
