THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
