I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
