hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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