Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
