So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
