I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
