we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
