Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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