Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
