just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
