does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
