He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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