Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
