She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
