im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
