Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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