Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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