i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
