sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
