sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
